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Tammy - her voice, story and words

Updated: Oct 20, 2023

When l was pregnant l couldn't tell my family. There were cultural issues that impacted on my decision ...

The father of my baby wasn't around.

Becoming a mum was a time of mixed emotions. When l was pregnant l was young and couldn't tell my family. There were cultural issues that impacted on my decision and the shame l brought my family. I was not able to live with my family, so l was helped by the Salvation Army and they also found me a worker who helped me find somewhere to stay. A worker used to come to the hospital with me. She helped me get there and she even came to the classes. The father of my baby wasn't around. He had other things going on in his life and my family did not like him. I didn't want to do it on my own but l think it was best for me and my baby. He didn't want to be a dad.

I had friends from school who l kept in contact with and they would visit me while l was pregnant, but after my daughter was born we didn't see each other too much anymore. They were busy with their lives. They were going out and travelling. I didn't like missing out. I felt like l didn't fit in. It was hard, l didn't belong. I also felt lonely in the mum's group. Many mum's were older than me. I tried but it wasn't easy. I still had support from my worker but it was different. She would talk with me and help me with things l needed but it's not the same as a friend.

It's not how l thought my life to be ...

So l learnt to rely on myself. I learnt to trust myself. I tried not to worry that l was missing out on being with friends. I knew l had to care for my daughter. She was my responsibility. I loved her a lot and she was everything to me. I had to believe that we would be ok. I found myself learning so much because l was a mum. It's not how l thought my life was to be, but l think maybe this is way it was meant to be.

My daughter is 4 now and l am finishing off my school so l can be a nurse. I want to help other mum's like me. I have met new friends who are also young mum's and we know what it's like for each other. This has been good and makes me happy. My daughter likes to have friends too although we haven't been able to see each other for awhile. We keep in contact online. We will be ok but it's been hard work. I think life is hard work but you have to keep trying. l‘m thankful for my worker and the people who helped me in the beginning. They also helped me connect with my family after my daughter was born. We don't have much contact but they know they have a granddaughter.


Thank you Tammy for allowing me to share your story.

Much ❤

Jo x

Image: Canva

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